


Courting is way harder than falling

by orphan_account



Category: Gintama
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-05 07:36:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3111446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Kondo-san, I’m not stalking anyone anymore. I’m conveying my feelings the best way I can.”  </p><p>(sequel to 'There comes a time in every mans life')</p>
            </blockquote>





	Courting is way harder than falling

Sougo walks into the Shinsengumi headquarters with an increasing number of band aids on his face. Members of his division wonder what dangerous patrols he’s been up to lately, a sense of pride filing their chests. Their captain might be a reckless slacker but when he puts his mind into it he really can make it. They nod to themselves.

Hijikata and Kondo know a little better.

“Another tough day, uh?” Sougo does magnificent in ignoring his superiors, especially when it’s Hijikata. “You know the bill for that one restaurant you two love birds wrecked came into the mail yesterday. I’m discounting it from your salary”

“Discount it from your asshole, and please die, Hijikata.”

“Sougo! Our dear boy, Toshi you shouldn’t give him such a hard time.” Kondo signals for both of them to sit at the table. Sougo wants so cut someone down; with all the physical abuse he’s been having to put up with and the pain his whole body and mind are in. But he resigns as he almost always does when Kondo is involved.

“Listen, err… How should we put this… Papa, take the lead please.”

“Wait, am I papa?!” Hijikata also wants so cut someone; more specifically the immature idiot sitting across from him. “Sougo, your dumb flirting stops here. You are quite literally destroying the whole city day by day.”

“No, we don’t want to cut down his wings, Papa!” Kondo takes a good long look at Sougo and all his very recent, very purple bruises “Sougo, when I suggested you stalk the Yorozuya girl, I meant you should do it at a distance. Now I know women can be violent, but any stalker knows better than to give a leash as a present.”

Hijikata wants so laugh, or cry. He isn’t sure anymore “She actually shot him that time.”

“Yes, love can also be violent.”

“Kondo-san, I’m not stalking anyone anymore. I’m conveying my feelings the best way I can.”

**xxx**

The leash incident takes place a day after Sougo attempts to take the lead and kiss unsuspecting Kagura. Not surprisingly at all, she goes for ignoring him and turning away each time he walks into her line of view. But Sougo has already fucked up, so there’s not much he can do but go along with the rest of the process. An unknown process, that is.

“What the fuck is this.” she eyes the pink glittery dog collar. It’s quite pretty, Sougo thinks. Best of his collection, and she should be a little more flattered.

“I heard it’s good to take your loved ones out on a walk at least three times a weak. I’ll pick you up tomorrow be sure to wear this.”

She shoots his left foot immediately, and while he crouches screaming to make sure she didn’t pierce his fucking artery she also snaps the collar around his neck (he gets to have her face close to his, so close he almost forgets he’s bleeding out) and ties the leash to a nearby pole.

Kagura directs him the most disgusted stare and as she walks away he thinks he’s gonna have to marry her one day. Then he passes out due to blood loss.

xxx

He wakes up in his bed with Kondo, Hijikata and the Yorozuya boss glaring down at him.

“I can’t believe you gave her a dog collar.”

“Are you here to tell me I can’t go out with your illegal immigrant slave, danna?”

“I’m here to tell you not to fuck with her mind! Do you know what she did after leaving you for dead in the streets? She came into the house to beat me to a pulp claiming all men are trash and should be eliminated, and that she is the only one who can do it!” Gintoki has a black eye, so Sougo believes him.

“Great, she should; less competition for me.”

“You are obviously first on her list, you stupid creep!” Gintoki leaves limping a little bit. Before going back to sleep, Sougo hears Hijikata muttering something about him coming out as a masochist with all this recent abuse. They don’t understand how he simply appreciates her subtle sadism as well as her incredibly lame kindness. He just needs to show her.

**xxx**

A week later he can walk almost normally. He supposes he has to thank her since he got paid leave. At the very least this time he skips the leash part.

Kagura sees him and starts walking fast away from him, to which he can only answer by walking even faster towards her (Kondo would be proud).

“Eek! get away, you and you germs! You infected me with something!” they’re both almost running head to head.

“When did I ever infect you? False accusations against a police officer are a crime, for your information.” Sougo sees her face go slightly red. He discovers a whole new way to torment her reminding her he has actually kissed her.

Kagura is the first one to start running. Sougo thinks literally _going after_ a girl is the kinda thing he would never do, so it quickly turns into a competition. He catches up to her and she goes faster and _he_ goes faster.

“I thought Yato were special?”

“Ha! I’m not even sweating, and you still limp from last week.” Sougo finds her predictability endearing. He smiles at her.

“Still, I’m sure I can beat you to that place over there, Miss Piggy. That fat stomach must be too heavy.” he points at a restaurant a few streets from them. The insult does wonders and she is flying towards it without even really knowing what it is.

But to his credit, Sougo doesn’t even try to win “Oh no, you won. I guess I have to treat you.” he drags her inside and she seems willing enough until the waiter goes and ruins everything by suggesting a table for the lovely couple.

Sougo tries not to feel hurt by Kagura’s wave of anger as she takes it out on the poor man. Instead he settles for admiring how her face twists as she shakes her victim, how her back arches as she aims for a punch.

He wonders why he can’t get her to like him when clearly they are made for each other. Galaxies apart, but somehow he found her.

“Oh no, look at this. You upset my lovely pet. Dear, would you like us to get back double?” never mind that the offense in question was calling her his girlfriend.

Kagura directs her anger at the buffet, stuffs her mouth full and exits making a sign for him to follow. He feels a bolt of light going right through him, as much as he hates her for assuming he would obey. He does. But before getting too far away he asks if she likes fireworks.

She looks puzzled as he takes out a hand grenade and pulls the pin, giving her the honor of throwing it. Sougo does realize she could stuff it in his pants and run away, leaving him for dead. But giving her this amount of control while coming out unharmed is the only thing that could prove him his cause is not lost.

“That girl is a monster! and you didn’t pay for what you ate!” the waiter screams at them from the door, black eye and all. Kagura throws the grenade at the restaurant.

As the fireworks start (actual fireworks because Sougo is not a terrorist and Kagura is not that cruel) he looks at the lights reflected on her eyes. She looks back and smiles slightly.

Now Kagura can safely say at least one of her suitors is crazy enough to blow off an entire building just for her.

**xxx**

“So did you pay for the burnt restaurant of assholes?”

“Who do you think I am? Of course I did; from Hijikatas wallet”

“Wow that is a fat wallet. Are those credit cards?”

“Wanna order anime figurines in his name?”

“Wanna place booby traps all over his room?

“You read my mind.”

She doesn’t seem to mind walking beside him again.

**xxx**

One afternoon he runs into Gintoki.

“Is she still trying to destroy every man alive?” Sougo asks.

“You have no idea what you’re doing. Remember her one boyfriend years ago? That giant alien? Wanna know what her father did to him, and to _me_?!” Gintoki seems to be going hysteric.

“A crying shame I wasn’t present at the time. I would have done worse.” and he wouldn’t have needed to kidnap her. 

Gintoki avoids telling him that the one thing he can do to prevent Umibozu destroying both of them, is to make her happy every day. He takes a look at Sougo, remembers Kagura’s face has been lighting up little by little and is honestly amazed that this sadist was able to make her react with something other than anger. Embarrassment is better than apathy. 

“Well, do your best. I’m not rooting for you at all though.” Sougo scoffs. He doesn’t need rooting.

**xxx**

Hijikata walks into his room and a chain of fireworks goes off. As he tries very hard not to step on any, his left foot gets caught in a bear trap while his right foot slips on a trail of mayonnaise that almost covers his whole floor. He falls on his ass; he thinks he is safe now that the fireworks are over. Then he sees a couple staring at him from a few feet outside.

“Is he where he should be?”

“China, if there is an expert in toying with Hijikata; that is me. Don’t insult me” they pull together a cord and Hijikata is hanging midair from his ceiling, tied in a position that cannot in any way be decent.

“Sougo, you _bastard_!”

“Oi, this was _my_ idea, Mayora. Give proper credit!” Kagura is poking him with her umbrella. Hijikata knows now for sure that he wants so cry.

“She has potential, doesn’t she, Hijikata-san?” the two start walking away and Hijikata can already see his future laid before his eyes. He just hopes they never have children.

Before finally untying himself, he hears the Yorozuya girl laughing and Sougo talking with more ease than he usually has. They don’t hold hands (Hijikata thinks if they did, they would turn it into an arm wrestling competition) but they walk together, almost touching.


End file.
